Fetishes: The Saga Continues

May 3, 2015

The More You Know...About Kinky Sex

The More You Know…About Kinky Sex

As if our first episode and our latest episode were not enough, Sam and I present Fetishes 3.  It’s much better than Scream 3, that much I can say.  I wouldn’t call this week’s episode the third part in a trilogy for I cannot predict that the development and scientific/Latin rooted classification of fetishes will end, at least anytime soon.  Thus there will be much much more to be discussed along the Unlicensed Professional train.

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Fetishes: The Long Awaited Return

April 27, 2015

What the fuck are fetishes?

What the fuck are fetishes?

Ever since our first episode aired, Samantha and I have received many and repeated requests to cover more fetishes in another video.  These requests ranged from Unlicensed Professionals’ fans spanning New York all the way to Peru y mas.  If you didn’t already know the answer to the trivia question, “What was Unlicensed Professionals’ first video,” now you do. It was all about fetishes. As you can imagine, I am not impressed by much.  There’s a fucking fetish for every random ass thing I can think of. If I throw a few random words together (like pink SD card flaring) I’m sure there’s a few people that are into it. It may not be too organized yet (i.e. it’s own webpage), but it’s not far from. Therefore, we scour the internet, the best source of formally validated information, for the “bigger” ones, and the “funner” (weirder to the general population) ones, and give you a lesson and demonstration, UnPros style. P.S. this may be Unlicensed Professionals: Fetishes Part 2, but Part 3 will be airing next week, so the saga continues…

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Fart Favorites Volume 1

April 19, 2015

Smell Ya On The Radio

Smell Ya On The Radio

Whatever happened to compilation CDs being sold on late night infomercials? Oh ya, the iPod. Well, once again Samantha and I are bringing something back: first video cassette tape dating and now the colorfully themed, hand picked, nostalgia gyrating compilation album. Who doesn’t love a fart? Although the smell may fade away, the joy found in passing gas is timeless. Behold a mélange of flatulence featuring all the hit songs you know and love. Order Volume 1 now, supply limited, unless we come across a truck of bean burritos.

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20 Bar Blues

April 12, 2015

The UnPro Blues

The UnPro Blues

It’s kinda hard to edit takes of music when you can’t remember your lines and are constantly nip slipping.  We got the fucking blues, and I need to get back into playing the harmonica again because harmonicas are fucking amazing, especially when you got the blues.

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Nuptial Nonsense

April 5, 2015

I Do...Poo Poo

I Do…Poo Poo

Well, Happy Easter!  This week’s episode has nothing to do with the rising of Christ other than the fact that we used Peeps to decapitate instead of actual baby chicks—because marshmallow Peeps are extremely religious. Anyway, Samantha and I will be appearing this Saturday April 11th on The Dr. Susan Block Show to celebrate Dr. Suzy and The Captain Max’s 23rd Wedding Anniversary. Leading up to this fabulous milestone, we thought we’d take a gander at some of the wedding traditions around the world. Although many were interesting, we chose a few of the more bizarre and disgusting to highlight by explaining the custom and its region of observance, as well as simulating the ritual, to the best of our ability.  We hope you laugh and learn something.

Samantha and I’s matching white wardrobe throughout the entire video is probably wackiest Continue reading “Nuptial Nonsense” »

The Funk Zone Podcast Experience

April 1, 2015

Credit: Crowded Coffin Photography

Credit: Crowded Coffin Photography

A few weeks ago, the Unlicensed Professionals, Samantha Fairley and myself, had the pleasure of being invited to sit down, two on one, with Ted Mills.  Ted Mills is a good friend whom I have worked with on such occasions as his silent film What A Pool Believes which has won several local and international awards.  We are avid supporters of each others artistic endeavors, past, present, and future, whatever they may be.  “Work,” or creating rather, aside, Ted’s sit down with Samantha and I was all about the UnPros.

Funk Zone Podcast

Funk Zone Podcast

His latest project is a weekly podcast in which he interviews artists, in all forms of the word, mostly Santa Barbara locals practicing in a plethora of mediums, in their creative space.  The latter is something I really admire about the podcast format—Ted gets to step inside the creative physical zone of each and every artist while he is getting a glimpse into each of their minds.

So, for the first Unlicensed Professionals related time, someone was allowed to come in and sit on our couch. Continue reading “The Funk Zone Podcast Experience” »

Guarantee You Finish First

March 29, 2015



You might be thinking, is there even a situation where I would want to?  Well, there are many situations [both sexual and non-sexual] that you may want to excuse yourself from. These awful times can include invitations, obligations, and just plain old everyday conversations. Here’s our list of excuses, results ranging from tamely walking away to frantically and horrifyingly making the other person walk away.

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Welcome To The U.P.D.M.V.

March 22, 2015

Get Traffic Schooled

Get Traffic Schooled

The Department of Motor Vehicles, UnPros style: meaning you don’t have to hang yourself at this one. If anything, we’ll be hanging you if you’re one of the assholes pulling the following moves on the road. So brush up on your driving skills or we’ll make sure to brush your entire body with the front of our car.

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1 Year of Unlicensed Professionals

March 16, 2015

Happy Birthday Misses Unlicensed Professionals

Happy Birthday Misses Unlicensed Professionals

Well, here we are, 1 year later.  I just spent way too long finding and compiling this footage. It turns out I was extremely less organized with my digital files than I am now.  So just watch it because I’m done writing. Oh and maybe if you like us, you could let us know, and let your friends know, and let your mom know, and let your mom’s friends know.  And if your mom is dead, maybe try your dad and his friends.

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Is Your Recent Achievement Fridge Worthy?

March 8, 2015

Fridge Worthy

Fridge Worthy

From the time we were kids, we can remember our finger paintings, good report cards, test scores, being hung by our parents on the refrigerator for all of the house to see.  The act of hanging such achievements on the refrigerator often demonstrates another sign of approval, commemoration, and familial fame.  As we get older, our achievements can take a vast variety of forms in an endless pool of adult activities, liabilities, responsibilities.  This week we commemorate those adult merits that are not, “Fridge Worthy.”  Odds are, we’re the one’s in charge of refrigerator hanging these days, and often times our judgement can be askew, not to mention bias.  Odds are we don’t make enough money to own a stainless steel refrigerator in which magnets do not attach and hanging with such is impossible.  Therefore, we need help.  We need help knowing what to be proud of…like the dirt on the bottom of my left foot for example.

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