Yes, Things Offend Unlicensed Professionals

December 14, 2014

We Are Offended

We Are Offended

Imagine, such horrific abominations exist that even Samantha and myself find repulsive.  I had to work up the courage to say them once, and therefore I would prefer not to mention them again.  Just watch the video.
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The Un-Pro Hollywood Story: SEX

December 7, 2014

Let's Get Sexual

Let’s Get Sexual

Alright kids, here’s an intimate sit down with Samantha and myself in which we divulge some of our worst and funniest sex stories.  To me, all sex in retrospect is both a learning experience and most likely a good story: the good, the bad, and the ugly.  For some reason, probably due to the fact that I can’t even make a sexy face if I tried without laughing, most of my sex stories are funny as fuck.
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Giving Thanks

November 30, 2014

Giving Thanks on Thanksgiving

Giving Thanks on Thanksgiving

Hopefully everyone out there can try to give thanks at least once a year.  Here’s our gratitude list, UnPros style.

Unlicensed Professionals: What We’re Thankful For from Electric SEX Enterprises on Vimeo. Continue reading “Giving Thanks” »

Smart Phone Addiction Center

November 23, 2014

Splashes Malipoo

Splashes Malipoo

Splashes Malipoo is the world’s leading rehabilitation center for smart phone addiction (SPA).  As a addict myself, I see the trend of more and more people becoming powerless over their smart phone usage.  That is why Samantha and myself have created a wonderful treatment facility where fellow SPAs can recover and once again live normal lives.  Our UnPros Reverse Heroin O.D. Aversion Therapy, “Hot Button” and “Dollar on a String” techniques, and patented Smartphone Submersion Therapy have been annihilating every app ailment from selfie psychosis to scoliosis since we opened our doors, yesterday.
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A Girl’s Pubes | Part 2

November 16, 2014

What do a girl's pubes mean?

What do a girl’s pubes mean?

Sometimes there are topics which arose discussions that run longer than others.  That is exactly what happened here when we ventured off to tackle women’s pubic hair.  So in depth with step by step drawings of creating each pubic masterpiece, it’s maintenance, its drawbacks, and ultimately, its meaning.  The following is the second half of the two part “Tales from The Cunt” saga, What a Girl’s Pubes Mean.  Feel like you’re a bit behind?  Watch Part 1 Here
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KCSB 91.9FM Fund Drive 2014

November 15, 2014

2014 Annual KCSB Fund Drive

2014 Annual KCSB Fund Drive

Did you know that KCSB has been Santa Barbara’s only non-commercial free-form community radio station since 1962?  Well November 12th through November 21st marks their annual fund drive in order to keep their freedom we love so much.  Their motto, “Tune In. Turn On. Give Back.”
KCSB 91.9FM is the ONLY radio station that I ever listen to.  My ultimate favorite weekly program being good friend The Chemist’s [aka Marky Mark Morey] Doom Corporation which currently airs every Friday from 12PM to 2PM.  Another favorite is Darla Bea’s show Sundays from 8PM to 10PM.  The station can be streamed online or via cell phone at any time which makes listening despite location a breeze.  Did I mention those that donate also receive gifts?  How cool is that?!  Donations can be made via phone at 805-893-2424 or online via KCSB.org

Donate Motherfuckers

Donate Motherfuckers

Per The Chemist’s request, Samantha and I wrote and produced two public service announcements which aired yesterday during his show.  Darla Bea will be airing our “Conspiracy” PSA this Sunday during her show as well.  I have uploaded both of our recently aired PSAs to YouTube so they can be listened to below.  Samantha and I have a couple more in the works to air during Doom Corporation’s show this Friday 11/21.  Additionally, The Chemist has invited Wilson Gil of The DTEASE Continue reading “KCSB 91.9FM Fund Drive 2014” »

The Bonobo Way Launch

November 12, 2014

The Dr. Susan Block Show

The Dr. Susan Block Show

Dr. Susan Block has written another book titled The Bonobo WayThe Bonobo Way explores “The evolution of peace through pleasure.”  Samantha and  I had the pleasure of attending her book launch party which also celebrated The Captain Max’s birthday and the Grand Opening of the new Speakeasy at Bonoboville headquarters.  It was a fucking blast—and the amount of fun had is not even worth expressing in words for it cannot be conveyed.

The Bonobo Way Launch Party

The Bonobo Way Launch Party

As part of Dr. Suzy’s celebratory launch week, The Bonobo Way is being offered as a free kindle download now through November 16th.  I advise you to take advantage.  Free download can be acquired here.

The Bonobo Way Giveaway

The Bonobo Way Giveaway

More updates regarding The Bonobo Way, our Bonobo Family at The Dr. Susan Block Institute, and coverage of our appearance on The Dr. Susan Block show to come!  Stay tuned. Continue reading “The Bonobo Way Launch” »

What a Pool Believes Goes International

November 11, 2014

What a Pool Believes

What a Pool Believes

A long long time ago…well actually not that long ago.  This past August I was honored to be asked to perform in the silent film What a Pool Believes by producer of the film, good friend, and fellow New Yorker, Meighann Athene Helene.  The director and writer (among other credits) of the film, Ted Mills, coincidentally is also a good friend whom I have had the pleasure of working with prior on some creative endeavors.  Initially, What a Pool Believes was created to be entered in the 2014 UCSB Arts & Lectures DIY Silent Film Contest.  In late August, the news was released that the film won first prize.  The fact that part of the “glory” was that the film be played during the Sunken Gardens Summer Movie Series at the Santa Barbara County Courthouse preceding one of my favorite films, Charlie Chaplin’s Modern Times, was by far enough of a perk or prize for me.

What a Pool Believes

What a Pool Believes

However, not only has What a Pool Believes achieved its initial award it set out to claim, but it has now received International recognition.  Since August, the film has been entered in a plethora of film festivals/contests (I speculate by Meighann), and just yesterday graciously received The Audience Choice Award at the PSSST! Festival nijemog filma/PSSST! Silent Film Festival in Croatia after premiering at the festival the previous Thursday.  PSSST! only delivers two awards, and out of over 100 submissions, What a Pool Believes received one of them.  Big things are happening!  Congratulations and Thank Yous to all involved in making this production possible and bringing it to life!  What a Pool Believes may be silent, but it’s recognition is being heard worldwide.

[Watch the film, view behind the scenes photos, and check out press below] Continue reading “What a Pool Believes Goes International” »

Another Reason Why I Love My 280zx

November 10, 2014

Datsun 280zx 10th Anniversary Edition

Datsun 280zx 10th Anniversary Edition

This commercial for the Datsun 280zx 10th Anniversary Edition has resurfaced, and it’s fucking amazing.  This is anything I could ever want from a 1980′s commercial for my dream car—which I own and it is now my child.  This is the exact car that I own.  Did you know, only 3,000 10th Anniversary Edition 280zxs were released by Datsun.  Of those 3,000 (which are individually numbered), 2,500 were black and gold (as featured in the commercial) and only 500 were black and red (being extremely more rare than the former, perhaps extinct).  Regardless, I love my car, to death, and have sex with it regularly.  Let’s be real here, the hood of the 1980 Datsun 280zx is fucking long and looks like a giant penis.
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