Oil Spill, Shmoil Pill

May 25, 2015

Stains-All American Pipelines Cares

Stains-All American Pipelines Cares

Well, surprise! Despite what you’ve heard in the news and countless satellite and helicopter photos of the Refugio State Beach, this is not an oil spill.  I repeat, is not.  It’s just another creative way Stains-All American Pipelines is showing you how much we appreciate our customers. We LOVE YOU!  Not to sound crude, but get the fuck off my lawn.


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The Truth About Body Shaming

May 17, 2015

Body Shaming

Body Shaming

A documentary featuring a closer look at the body shaming language that two young girls yell everyday.  These two, like many others, are upset with their bodies day in and day out.  Low self-esteem produces thoughts of hate toward imperfections in their given figures.  These thoughts traverse into self-inflicted verbal abuse which wounds their spirits even further. This video captures some of the hell they deal with everyday. Will their cries for help ever be heard? Will their body dysmorphic disorder and delusions of animate appendages consciously trying to hinder them ever be addressed and treated by licensed professionals? This is real life and these are real problems.  These are their stories [Bum Bum]

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Sex With An Ex: The Dos and Don’ts

May 10, 2015

Rules For Sex With An Ex

Rules For Sex With An Ex

We all do it. First, let’s admit to that. Let’s also admit that there is and can be nothing wrong with that so long as there are no feelings of love and some ground rules are mutually laid out and agreed to follow.  This open communication about just what this is (sex), is absolutely necessary so that there are no unmet expectations and resentments building and burning inside.  Any feelings that may emerge and cannot smashed, they need be. If feeling feelings, you must walk away from this arrangement as quickly as possible before they grow even larger.  This is a fuck not a mind fuck.  Behold the Unlicensed Professional guide to post breakup hookups

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Fetishes: The Saga Continues

May 3, 2015

The More You Know...About Kinky Sex

The More You Know…About Kinky Sex

As if our first episode and our latest episode were not enough, Sam and I present Fetishes 3.  It’s much better than Scream 3, that much I can say.  I wouldn’t call this week’s episode the third part in a trilogy for I cannot predict that the development and scientific/Latin rooted classification of fetishes will end, at least anytime soon.  Thus there will be much much more to be discussed along the Unlicensed Professional train.

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Fetishes: The Long Awaited Return

April 27, 2015

What the fuck are fetishes?

What the fuck are fetishes?

Ever since our first episode aired, Samantha and I have received many and repeated requests to cover more fetishes in another video.  These requests ranged from Unlicensed Professionals’ fans spanning New York all the way to Peru y mas.  If you didn’t already know the answer to the trivia question, “What was Unlicensed Professionals’ first video,” now you do. It was all about fetishes. As you can imagine, I am not impressed by much.  There’s a fucking fetish for every random ass thing I can think of. If I throw a few random words together (like pink SD card flaring) I’m sure there’s a few people that are into it. It may not be too organized yet (i.e. it’s own webpage), but it’s not far from. Therefore, we scour the internet, the best source of formally validated information, for the “bigger” ones, and the “funner” (weirder to the general population) ones, and give you a lesson and demonstration, UnPros style. P.S. this may be Unlicensed Professionals: Fetishes Part 2, but Part 3 will be airing next week, so the saga continues…

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Fart Favorites Volume 1

April 19, 2015

Smell Ya On The Radio

Smell Ya On The Radio

Whatever happened to compilation CDs being sold on late night infomercials? Oh ya, the iPod. Well, once again Samantha and I are bringing something back: first video cassette tape dating and now the colorfully themed, hand picked, nostalgia gyrating compilation album. Who doesn’t love a fart? Although the smell may fade away, the joy found in passing gas is timeless. Behold a mélange of flatulence featuring all the hit songs you know and love. Order Volume 1 now, supply limited, unless we come across a truck of bean burritos.

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20 Bar Blues

April 12, 2015

The UnPro Blues

The UnPro Blues

It’s kinda hard to edit takes of music when you can’t remember your lines and are constantly nip slipping.  We got the fucking blues, and I need to get back into playing the harmonica again because harmonicas are fucking amazing, especially when you got the blues.

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Nuptial Nonsense

April 5, 2015

I Do...Poo Poo

I Do…Poo Poo

Well, Happy Easter!  This week’s episode has nothing to do with the rising of Christ other than the fact that we used Peeps to decapitate instead of actual baby chicks—because marshmallow Peeps are extremely religious. Anyway, Samantha and I will be appearing this Saturday April 11th on The Dr. Susan Block Show to celebrate Dr. Suzy and The Captain Max’s 23rd Wedding Anniversary. Leading up to this fabulous milestone, we thought we’d take a gander at some of the wedding traditions around the world. Although many were interesting, we chose a few of the more bizarre and disgusting to highlight by explaining the custom and its region of observance, as well as simulating the ritual, to the best of our ability.  We hope you laugh and learn something.

Samantha and I’s matching white wardrobe throughout the entire video is probably wackiest Continue reading “Nuptial Nonsense” »

The Funk Zone Podcast Experience

April 1, 2015

Credit: Crowded Coffin Photography

Credit: Crowded Coffin Photography

A few weeks ago, the Unlicensed Professionals, Samantha Fairley and myself, had the pleasure of being invited to sit down, two on one, with Ted Mills.  Ted Mills is a good friend whom I have worked with on such occasions as his silent film What A Pool Believes which has won several local and international awards.  We are avid supporters of each others artistic endeavors, past, present, and future, whatever they may be.  “Work,” or creating rather, aside, Ted’s sit down with Samantha and I was all about the UnPros.

Funk Zone Podcast

Funk Zone Podcast

His latest project is a weekly podcast in which he interviews artists, in all forms of the word, mostly Santa Barbara locals practicing in a plethora of mediums, in their creative space.  The latter is something I really admire about the podcast format—Ted gets to step inside the creative physical zone of each and every artist while he is getting a glimpse into each of their minds.

So, for the first Unlicensed Professionals related time, someone was allowed to come in and sit on our couch. Continue reading “The Funk Zone Podcast Experience” »