September 11, 2015
Cate and Sam grace the cover of Battalion of Saint’s latest vinyl release. These new tunes will be extra special due to what is on the outside: us. That’s right, amazingly talented artist Lee Ellingson, whom Sam and I have formed a very creative bond with via the internet, rendered us in the commissioned artwork. Can you say punk rock?
Click here to read a recent feature from metallife.com on Battalion of Saint’s latest release as well as their upcoming tour schedule
September 11, 2015
Weekly podcaster and Santa Barbara local Patrick Melroy took a chance on the Unlicensed Professionals last week, allowing them in studio for a closer look at the madness, ours that is. Although solely audio, as most podcasts are, Samantha and I were definitely able to hold our ground, sounding everything from our childhood, horror movies, Santa Barbara dining [or lack thereof], the weekly vlog process, our viral videos, to meat drapes. I’m not going to lie, I’m pretty sure I dropped the N word a few times, but only to point out the few situations in which a white person like myself can say it and it neither be offensive nor toe stepping [says the white girl. Listen below for another slice of the Unlicensed Professional’s inner pie.
July 13, 2015
With all of the emojis making up for text typing communications inability of conveying emotion and feeling, important conversation cues and clues, not to mention human interaction in general, the desire to put a face to a name is hotter than ever. Fuck putting a name to a face, that’s what Facebook is for. Additionally, as if we were no longer cutting conversation with other humans to a minimum, texting less and less grammatically correct sentences, until there are no sentences, yet somehow five identical sentence completing punctuations. Despite punctuations in all numbers and forms, sarcasm can rarely be identified, and thus feeling or emotion blurred allows for unnecessary human idiotic assumption and consequent quarrels. The emoticon. The emoji—six basic emotions covered plus more, I still find the need to combine numerous in attempt to convey my intangible insides. Perhaps the following descriptive faces can aid in the research necessary to create the next wave of emojis, because the allowance of race options doesn’t count as necessary nor forward thinking in my book.
Continue reading “That Face You Make When…” »
July 5, 2015
One would think many of us know what happens when we assume, but if that were true, there would be much less of it occurring. Perhaps it is this assumption that stampedes the age old simplistic concept of question asking.
Continue reading “An Ass Out of You and Me” »
June 14, 2015
Let’s Nazercise, as in “Let’s Jazzercise,” but focus on our arms and legs in the traditional military marching fashion. Background music is Westerwald Lied, a well know German military song. A good 2 to 3 hours were devoted to constructing our costumes, composed of tape, bits of cut up t-shirts, sharpie, lingerie, and tinfoil. We’re very green over in the UnPros studio. Every time I cut up a t-shirt, I save the scraps for later use in such things as Nazi garb. Note Samantha’s hand made SS and medals build from pink duck tape and my horrendous artistry atop silver duck tape. Oh and that’s a transparent blue water gun in Sam’s mouth, thank heaven for black and white footage. If you need more explaining in regard to this week’s topic, you are obviously watching the wrong show. My mind is what it is and it does what it does with Sam.
Continue reading “Let’s Naz-er-cise” »
June 7, 2015
Being a girl has its perks: The Vagina, perhaps you’ve heard of it. In 2015 there is still much inequality. I however am not concerned with job and educational imbalances in opportunity and pay, nor do I stand behind affirmative action. A gender unbiased (or blind if necessary) hiring or admission based on skills, achievements, job history, academics, etc. is something I rally more for than making things “even” and then maybe worrying about working on the act of or human ability of not considering gender at all when filling those positions or granting opportunities. There are many out-dated stereotypes, that don’t even translate to funny jokes, and I love funny jokes. If we are going to make fun of women, can we at least write some new material that may or may not be true but is at least considered comedy? Yes, women have boobs Continue reading “Why I Need Feminism” »
June 1, 2015
Every year, hundreds, if not thousands, of regular Americans are becoming famous via reality television and yet there are still a few claimed incidents of actual celebrities involved sexual misconduct. Cosby and his, as Dave Chappelle calls them,”antique rapes,” and Jackson and his Neverland Rapes are so infamous that they need not be touched in our vigorously researched accounts of star-studded accusations. Some of these alleged violations disappeared via cash money, some via insufficient evidence to pursue an arrest, while others were taken to trial and found both guilty and not-guilty. But why so much hate on these for possibly partaking in these clearly improperly communicated sexual advances? Aren’t we all guilty of suppressing and interpreting what we want sometimes? Aren’t we all guilty of some, if not lots of, offensive sex?
May 25, 2015
Well, surprise! Despite what you’ve heard in the news and countless satellite and helicopter photos of the Refugio State Beach, this is not an oil spill. I repeat, is not. It’s just another creative way Stains-All American Pipelines is showing you how much we appreciate our customers. We LOVE YOU! Not to sound crude, but get the fuck off my lawn.